Thanks for sharing your story. I hope it helped you to write it down and get instead of having it rattling around in your head.
I know you couldn't fill in all the details but in view of what you did provide, tne thing I noticed is that you seem to have bounced from one circumstance to another and gotten involved with people and obligations etc quite quickly rather than having a period of time where you were settled and your life was stable and you had peace.
You are in the middle of a divorce, have just moved, lost your family, been disfellowshipped and I imagine you've likely changed jobs as well. Do you think it might be wise to set aside a year to be just you on your own where you can sort out who you are and where you want to go from here before getting anyone else involved?
I know when you're feeling that you've wasted your life and you're lonely it would be tempting to want to make up for lost time by trying to straighten things out quickly and or run back to the familiar by taking up with your old boyfriend. It seems to me you'd be better off not to fall into your old pattern by keeping your life simple and avoided getting involved with someone else until you're sure you are making decisions that will be good for the long haul rather than fill the void in the moment. You don't want to be in this same position again in a few years.